Writer's Block and Career Block

Well tonight comes as a dissapointment after having a nice topic at hand to throw out there Monday night. I've got a case of writer's block and am feeling really random.

I'm trying to find a sub opening for Friday. Unfortunatly, elementary only has a half-day due to teacher planning in the afternoon. This means a barren crop for Friday. As much as I love picking my own schedule (to an extent) with subbing, financially I need to find a better compensating outlet of employment.

See, I really enjoy what I do, even if the kids make it challenging from time to time. It's working in the world of public service at it's very core which is very fullfilling, but I don't need to deal with the drama of teacher's unions and school boards. Also, my lesson planning is done for me. My day's usually run between 8am until 3:30pm, occasionally I'll be at schools that go until 4pm, but even that is earlier than the normal office job. I get major holiday breaks, the major downside being I am not paid for them. I also am offered benefits from my sub-contract company, something apparently rarely heard of in the subbing world.

Would I like to go into elementary education? After a year and a half I can tell you it's tempting. However, I would need to complete about 2 years of student teaching, during which I would not be able to work/earn money to pay my many bills. Outside of some random, highly generous donation that does not need to be paid back, this is out of the question. Also, the market for teachers is not the greatest at the moment.

So that leaves me looking for a job in my degree field. A field in which each new day I feel more and more ostricized from. The market for my degree is terribly small and far too saturated. These are the things we learn after graduation sadly. Furthermore, as I have gone along I have found fewer and fewer things I truly want to do in my field. These positions would not be paying me much more than I am already making. I feel less and less inspired by the business each day, each application I send, each follow-up phone call I make ending in being given the run around and ultimatly given the dreaded voicemail or simply hung-up on. My feelings have turned into one of frustration and apathy. If employers require ever higher amounts of experience they need to offer realistic opportunities for graduates with internships under their belts to GET paid experience from the ground-up. A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. One however needs to be given the doorway to make that step, otherwise hypocracy is the result.

So with my predicament clearly stated, what is an almost 27 year-old nearly 3 years out of college to do? Grad school has been sounding mightly attractive, but I'm stalled as to what I would (or could) do with it. I don't want general communications, but something like public administration sounds attractive. The next obstacle is taking on more debt. The 500 lb. gorilla in the room is the question of "Is it worth the time and money?" What would my job prospects be after attaining my masters degree?

Third, if I would go into something else entirely, I am completely at a loss as to what that would be.

I feel as though I'm having a mid-life crisis at age 26-27. I know myself and what I want to do in life, and yet at the same time I have no idea what I want to do! My previous experiences have left me hanging, so what do I trust next? I tried the thing I said I'd never do, which is sales. After a true six month test drive I proved myself right in that it was not for me. I worked two jobs to support myself through college while having a high level of extra-cirricular academic involvement (including a small internship) and taking on a full-time class load. I worked full time for a whole hockey season post graduation while taking on a demanding, unpaid internship that in the end was one of my most rewarding experiences. Yet, I feel doors closing around me.

While all this is going on, I've tried seeking resume advice from people, however it has done nowhere. I feel my resume is severely lacking, however what I've gotten in response has either been "it's fine", or less than that.

Part of me is hoping that this blog will help lead me to a job I am truly meant to do and sees my experiences and efforts as valuable.

It's getting late and I do need a full night's sleep. Good Night to all!